Clare Diana Edwards
by AdelaidesLament
Summary: I love iPod Shuffle stories. This is all about Clare and her relationships with different people and with herself.
1. Papa Don't Preach

_Papa Don't Preach-_

_But I made up my mind I'm keeping my baby. _

Degrassi was like a breeding ground for pregnant girls. Anya faking it, Jenna actually getting knocked up. And before them it was still a trend, Manny and Liberty and Mia. She couldn't stand it. It was like some sort of twisted peer pressure. She was surprised someone hadn't signed the school for a Lifetime special yet. Maybe one more pregnancy would do it.

Looking in the mirror she touched her hand to her still flat stomach. She didn't feel different. She didn't look different. She couldn't imagine that inside there a baby could be moving around and forming itself into a little human being. It was a strange thought. Something she couldn't really make sense of yet. But she wasn't surprised. She was 15. Girls like her weren't supposed to get pregnant. They were supposed to get married.

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**_T_his was confusing to write. To be honest I had to pause the song for a minute so I could really think about it. Because I certainly didn't Clare to be pregnant. She's just not that type of girl. I don't think her and Eli would do that. But I wanted her to think about it because it seem like someone is always pregnant on Degrassi. **

**BTW- I don't own Degrassi or Clare. The song is Papa Don't Preach by Madonna...though I have the Glee version too. **


	2. Funny Girl

**If you've never heard Funny Girl by Barbra Streisand I feel sorry for you. Such a beautiful heart-breaking song. I really thought it was a fitting song for Clare because she is that type of girl who tries to please people but sometimes in the end she gets left behind because they weren't really there for her. **

**So this is my second installment...there are only going to be 8 more. Then maybe if you guys like it I'll do other characters. Just because it's fun. **

**Oh and thanks to .eclare225 for reviewing! **

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Funny Girl-

_Though I may be all wrong for the guy, I'm good for a laugh. _

She looked out the glass window. Eli and Adam were getting coffee up at the counter and chatting with Peter and Sav. She was sitting by herself at a window seat watching as KC and Jenna talked and laughed outside. It would only be a matter of time until she wasn't good enough anymore. She never satisfied. Adam had asked her if she still liked KC. The answer was always no. She didn't like KC anymore. Not after what he had done. But how could she blame him? She wasn't good for anything. She had been all wrong for him and she was probably all wrong for Eli too. It was just a matter of time until he realized it. Until he saw passed the clever wit of his English partner and found out that she was nothing but a boring clean-cut type of girl.

KC looked over and saw her staring out the window. She didn't even bother to look away. He smiled and waved a little. It was over between them and she was left wondering why he had even bothered with her to begin with. She lifted her hand and waved back, faking a smile. A girl has to keep her sense of humor right? What else has she got.


	3. CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater

**Up now: CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater-NeverShoutNever!**

**Like two years ago my cousin introduced me to NeverShoutNever! and I have loved Chris Drew's music ever since. This was a hard song to do a story to for Clare because it's about a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him. But I made it between Clare and Jenna because I thought...Jenna ruined a friendship that Clare had honestly thought was sincere. So I wanted to reflect on that. **

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CheaterCheaterBestFriendEater

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_You sure broke my heart last night when you said you had slept with him. _

Clare looked at her phone. Jenna was calling again. Her little flip-phone was going crazy vibrating against her science book. She just wished Jenna would leave her alone and stop calling. What was she going to say? Sorry I stole your boyfriend, but didn't I warn you ahead of time?

Jenna kept calling and texting. Clare kept avoiding her. She didn't want some sort of confrontation. She didn't want to talk to Jenna. She just wanted to put the whole thing behind her. Move on with her life. Transferring schools and changing her name was tempting too but she didn't think her parents would be up for that.

"Clare Bear!" Jenna's voice was behind her in the hallway. Why couldn't she be invisible now?

"Hey Jenna." She tried to smile. She really did.

"Listen Clare, about-"

"Don't tell me things you don't mean. I know you well enough to know that you're not sorry." Clare cut in. She didn't want some big apology. She didn't want to be friends with Jenna.

She always figured she'd break up with someone and get her heartbroken. Darcy told her that was just the way life worked sometimes. But Darcy hadn't told her that sometimes the people who break your heart turn out to be your best friends.


	4. Turn It Off

**I love this song. It's Turn If Off by Paramore from their CD Brand New Eyes. If you really listen to the lyrics you can see just how much it fits with Clare's life right now. So I was kind of excited when it came up in my shuffle. **

**I actually have all these written out already. I just like adding them one-by-one so you can process each bit individually. Next is up tomorrow.**

**Addie LaRae**

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_Turn It Off_-

_I scraped my knees while I was praying and found a demon in my safest haven. _

Half her body was shielded by the wall. She was standing there watching her father pack up. She heard all their excuses, all their reasons. They told her it wasn't her fault. She shouldn't be so upset, sometimes people just don't work out. But it wasn't the divorce or the move that was ruining her. Now she just stood there, watching her father and feeling her heart break.

She finally realized it, standing there. This whole thing, this emptiness and pain that she felt didn't come from her parents. It came from her. All her life she had been told to trust in God, to pray to God, to love God. That if she did all this he would protect her and love her. But where was God? He didn't answer her prayers, he didn't protect her from danger and heartache. He wasn't there. She couldn't feel him the way she always had. And that alone was enough to shake her faith.

Nothing seemed to be okay now. They had stayed strong and relied on each other when Darcy was raped. It brought them closer as a family. Maybe that was what she had been trying to do when she wore those clothes. But it hadn't worked. She wasn't Darcy. She couldn't fix anything. And there wasn't any amount of praying that seemed to change that. If there was a God anymore he wasn't listening to her. He had stopped listening to her and now she was left to figure out her problems alone. And maybe that was what scared her the most.


	5. Stay

**This song was actually featured in Don't Let Me Get Me Pt. 2 when Alli decides to leave. The song is Stay by Jesse Thomas. Prettiest, saddist song in the whole world...well, it pulls a close second to Rooftops by Melissa Mccelland. (That was the song featured in the episode, whose name escapes me, where Rick shot up the school.) It's also the song I use as the title to my CSI:NY story. **

**Anyway. It felt strange getting this song because it's already been used...it's like Alli's song. I mean it literally is her song, it fits her perfectly. So I did my best. **

**Addie LaRae**

**P.S.-this one is super short because the song is only like one minute long. Literally. **

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_Stay- _

_Would it be too much to ask, to remember the girl that made you laugh?_

Going to school the next day seemed harder then she had expected. She was afraid that Eli would still be mad at her. He had every right to be. She had acted like a jerk to him when he had been nothing but nice to her.

Now she had to go in and pray that he wasn't still mad at her. She didn't even know how to say sorry. She needed something to believe in, something that wasn't going to let her down. When she realized she didn't have that something anymore things had boiled over.

She wanted him to still love her. But she didn't think she would blame him if he didn't. She didn't even like the girl in the mirror. But when she stepped into the hall he was there waiting for her and he offered her a smile. It was sympathetic just understanding. He still knew who she was, even if she had lost sight of it.

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	6. Hit Me Baby

**I really don't think Clare would listen to Britney Spears. But old school Britney brings out the worst in people. Well, maybe not the worst in Clare, we've seen that and it was scary. Haha...**

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Hit Me Baby One More Time-

_Don't you know I still believe that you will be here and give me a sign…_

"I feel ridiculous Alli. I told you the last time I did this Eli hated it."

"Ok, listen. The last time you did this you were dressed like a hooker."

"As opposed to this? Alli I look stupid."

"You do not. You like a school girl gone wrong. I'm KC used to imagine your uniform looking like this."

"Alli! That is totally not what we were talking about. And I certainly hope he didn't."

"You look hot. Jenna! There you are…doesn't Clare look hot?"

"Yeah Clare bear…you're really working that look."

"Guys…I feel so uncomfortable. I look like a tramp. Even worse…I look like…like…"

"Like Britney Spears."

"Exactly what I thought Jenna."

"Alli! I don't want to look like Britney Spears."

"Hey, keep the necklace on."

"Alli I can't keep on a necklace that is professing my Christian beliefs when I'm wearing this."

"Sure you can Clare Bear…it makes the whole twisted innocence thing work."

"I think Clare does that all by herself."

"Eli! Uh…this was not my idea. Trust me."

Eli just smirked.


	7. Those You've Known

**This song comes from the amazing play Spring Awakening, orignially starring Lea Michele, Jon Groff, John Gallagher Jr., and Lauren Pritchard. This song is sung by Jon Groff, John Gallagher Jr. and Lea Michele. **

**If you've never listened to it you should. It's really amazing. **

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_Those You've Known-_

_Those you've known and lost still walk behind you, all alone they linger til they find you._

Clare stood there outside the school and waited for Eli. Today he had been tense and distant. Adam told her it was nothing to worry about. He would be fine. He just needed space. Today was the anniversary of Julia's death. Clare hated when people lingered on things like that. She didn't want him to stop thinking about Julia, she was a part of his life. But she wanted him to stop moping around. She wished there was some way she could tell him that. Without him being upset.

Clare couldn't compete with Julia. She had finally seen a picture of her just the other day, Julia was really pretty, obvously Eli's type. Unlike Clare. She didn't know what Julia acted like though. But she knew that Eli would always love her. Sometimes when Clare said something she saw this look that flashed across his face. He was comparing them. He was weighing what Clare did or said against his perfect memory of Julia. Clare was always one inch shorter, one IQ point stupider, one punchline too slow. She could never make him smile the way Julia made him smile.

But she still loved him. And she loved how much he still loved Julia. If that made any sense to anyone.


	8. Out Here On My Own

**I'm kind of really excited because the last three songs are three of my favorite broadway songs. Out Here On My Own is the song from Fame, originally sang by Irene Cara but then redone by Naturi Naughton. **

_I dry the tears I've never shown, out here on my own_

Clare sat on the couch of her house, all by herself. Her dad had to work late and her mom had already left for the week. Eli wasn't home, otherwise she would have gone to his house or even had him wait with her.

She thought this was going to be a good idea when Eli told her about it. Having her parents go back and forth while she lived in the house all by herself. She was never really alone, not for long periods of time. But there were these moments, when her mom was gone and her dad hadn't come home yet when she was all alone.

It brought back memories of Darcy, the two of them sharing a bedroom. Sharing a family and a house. There marks on the door of the closet where her father used to measure how tall they had gotten. Clare was always excited when she reached one of Darcy's marks. She could remember when Darcy and her had made breakfast for their parents on Christmas and burnt all the food. But her parents had eaten every bite.

All the memories pointed to the way her parents loved their children. She couldn't remember a time when she could really say 'God, my parents are so in love.' It was always that they loved her and Darcy. And maybe that was why she was sitting here alone on a Friday night. Her parents were finally finished. Darcy was gone and now Clare was going to be finished high school in two years.

The door opened and Clare brushed her eyes dry before getting up off the couch and giving her dad a hug.

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Out Here On My Own-


	9. The Guilty Ones

_The Guilty Ones-_

_And now our bodies are the guilty ones, whose touch fills every eye_

Clare ran a hand through her hair, the curls disheveled and sticking up in the back. The brown liner she had put on yesterday before school was fading and smudged under her eyes. She wet her hands in the sink and splashed her face with the cold water.

She wiped her face on a towel and looked into the bedroom across the hall. What had once been a padlocked bedroom, hiding mounds of trash, was now open and haphazardly clean. She could see the owner of the bedroom pulling his red polo over his head. Clare could feel herself blushing but she wasn't sure why, she had seen every inch of him there was last night. And she couldn't believe she had.

She couldn't imagine what those kids in Jesus club would say if they saw her now. It felt so obvious to her, like someone had smacked a scarlet letter over her purple polo. But she knew she still looked the same on the outside. But she felt ten times different on the inside.

Maybe not older. She felt different. She thought she would feel amazing and mature. She knew she loved Eli and he loved her too. But she didn't know if now if she had made the right decision. Last night there had not been a doubt in her mind that what she was doing was right. And it wasn't that she doubted her own choice now.

She was just afraid of other people's opinions. Because as much as she didn't want to admit it, everyone else's opinion did matter to her.

"Hey, are you alright?" Eli asked, leaning against the door frame of the bathroom.

"Perfect." Clare nodded and placed a kiss on the corner of his mouth.


End file.
